new blog

Our new blog:

http://intomyarmsuntomyheart.blogspot.com/

We are home....

..........without a child.

Our adoption did not go as planned.   It is not how we saw ourselves at this point, but we are happy and at peace with our decision.

If you are in the process of adopting "an unknown child" from Ukraine, or thinking of doing so, I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world.  However, please be careful.  When reading some of your blogs, I do not believe that all families are prepared for the reality of what lies ahead.  The stories that you hear, you know the ones when you are finished reading you say to yourself, "That won't happen to us!", they are true.  

What is so disappointing to us is not the fact that our adoption failed, it is that there are so many children in Ukraine that need homes, and there are so many families that would love to provide them with the love and stability they deserve.  What stands in between these children and families is corruption.  To us, it is just so sad.

Our adoption story has not ended here, just taken a different path.  We are not going to let this "experience" prevent us from starting a family.

I hope your adoption stories all have happy endings, and that you raise the family you've always dreamed of.  However....do your research, ask a lot of questions, listen to families that have been through the process recently,  and trust your "gut".

good bye....

Well, it is that time.  We are leaving for the airport.  We cannot believe this is happening, and have so many emotions.  I am trying my best to keep it together....it's not going well.

We will post as often as possible, and don't know when we will be able to call home.  We will be in Kiev around 5:00 Sunday, Kiev time.  We will be 7 hours ahead of Detroit.  I am too nervous to do the math.

Thank you everyone for your all of your kindness.  We appreciate all of you!

red line or green line?

As we prepare to leave (tomorrow!), I am reading conflicting experiences and advice on whether to go through the red line or green line at customs in Ukraine.  We will be carrying the maximum amount of cash allowed, will have the standard electronics (camera, laptop...), and no gifts (taking them on the second trip).  If you have any advice from your own experience, please share! :)

truly blessed

We are truly blessed to have wonderful friends in our lives.  Tonight, Bev, Allison, Joan, Patty, Kristin and Marc took us to dinner to wish us well on our journey.  They also gave us gifts to "protect" us while traveling.  St. Christopher is the patron saint of travelers, and is often pictured with the Christ Child on his back.  Now, with heartfelt thanks, he will be with each of us throughout our journey. (He joins the St. Anthony my Kleine Oma gave me about 25 years ago, who travels with me on every trip.)

St. Christopher's feast day is May 9th, according to the Eastern Orthodox Church, also known as the Catholic Orthodox Church.  If we are in Ukraine, I hope we can make it to church on that day. 80% of Ukrainians are Eastern Orthodox, and I have been told that most children in the orphanages are baptized according to this faith.  I am glad for that, but will have the kid(s) baptized again once we are home.  

I also have to mention my wonderful teaching partner, Marilyn.  I am continually amazed with her gift of words.  She writes the most beautiful cards, and has the most true, genuine heart.  I look forward to seeing her each and every day.

travel conference

Today we had our travel conference by phone with our caseworker.  She gave us a general idea of what to expect while in-country, at the SDA, a timeline (approximate), and travel tips.  All good news, and no surprises.  I think we are almost as prepared as we are going to get.

The kids at school are so cute.  They are very excited, and are always asking questions.  Today they were asking me if we have chosen any names.  They all had advice when I told them we hadn't.  In fact, one of my boys wrote an alphabetical list of names.  On one side of the piece of paper was the list of names he liked, the other side had the list of names he didn't like. He thought this would be very helpful in our decision-making process!

I actually just came home from work.  I worked on finishing-up report cards and other things. It was therapeutic to be at school... a break from the adoption preparation, and the "tornado" that has hit the spare bedroom and the rest of the house.  Bill and I look at each other sometimes and have to stop ourselves from talking.  We have talked about everything that could possibly happen while in Ukraine dozens of times.  We have come up with numerous scenarios we may find ourselves in at the SDA or elsewhere.  Since last Tuesday, we have explained the adoption process more times that we can keep track of.  Family, friends, co-workers, the women who work at the Veterinarian's office....... We feel as though we cannot explain and talk about the next two months one more time.  We are emotionally drained. We just want to get there.  We are ready.

question about skype

We do not want to travel with a laptop if we don't have to, but would like to stay connected with family back home via Skype.  For those of you who have been to Ukraine and used the internet cafes, do they have Skype downloaded, and if they do, would we need to bring a camera or headset?  I know that each region may be different, and we don't know where we will be staying, but I would just like an idea.

Thanks in advance for your help!

two trips

We originally booked our flight coming home on May 19th.  Well, today after talking with HR, we have decided that financially it makes more sense to come home during the two week wait time, rather than stay in-country.  Emotionally, this is not the way I'd like it to be. I am trying to talk Bill into agreeing with me that I should stay in Ukraine while he comes back to work, but he is concerned about leaving me alone.  

We are making the best out of this situation.  We figure we can wait to complete the painting and decorating of the bedroom(s) during the time we come home, we can pack lighter, and we can take clothes for the child(ren) back with us.  It is a little less stress on us as we prepare to leave next week.

We were able to change our return flight with no problems.  Northwest/KLM has been very good to us, and especially patient with me.  (I get nervous flying and was adamant with the representative that we must be on the largest plane!)

One last thing for those of you that our preparing to travel soon...both of our banks have been giving us problems in regards to the new $100 bills.  TCF told us no way, they only have old bills, and my credit union is calling us back tomorrow.  They think they may have them, but scattered throughout the other branches.  If that is the case, we will need to go to all the different branches next week to get them.  Both banks said that the larger banks like Comerica or Bank of America would likely have them.  

Travel Date!!

Good news....our appointment date with the SDA is on Tuesday, April 7th!!!

We are leaving on Saturday, April 4...a wonderful day that is also Ota's (my grandfather) 89th birthday.  We are returning (tentatively, of course) on May 19th.  We opted to use our frequent flyer miles instead of the adoption rate the airline gave us.  In fact, it would have been less expensive to purchase two full-fare tickets and pay the penalty to change flights than to purchase the adoption price. (adoption-fare tickets can be changed without penalty)  

So far, our flights are booked, the gifts for the adoption team and orphanage staff  have been purchased, Paul is staying here with Winston, Gretel is going to Papa's, now we just need to go the the bank and get our house prepared.  Yeah!!!

submission & employment letter

We were successfully submitted today.  However, the SDA did NOT want to accept our paperwork (insert complete panic when I read that news).  Apparently, two weeks ago the SDA changed what they wanted the employment letter to state.  I guess your employer now needs to state your income monthly for the last six months.  You must also have exact dates.  We had the 2007-2008 school year, and the 2008-2009 school year, which was acceptable when we were registered, but not anymore.

So, you may want to check with your facilitator if your employment letter does not state your monthly income for the past six months.  

submission date is tomorrow

We have been waiting for tomorrow, that date that all adoptive parents anxiously look forward to, for a year now.  It is hard to believe that by the time we wake up in the morning, our dossier will be submitted!  It is even harder to comprehend that now we just wait for a travel date.

While we wait for this exciting news, my dear friend and job-share partner, has tragically lost her sister.  It was an unexpected death, and she was only 31 years old.  She is having a very difficult time with this loss.  It makes you stop and put things into perspective.  We need to live each day to the fullest, and reach out to those we love.  We never know when tomorrow will not come.

I have been teaching the morning for her (math and science) for the past week, and will do so again tomorrow.  It is hard being in the classroom full-time again!  ;)  I have to give mothers who work full-time and raise a family a lot of credit.  I don't know how they do it.  Who has the energy to cook dinner, and then check papers after keeping a classroom of kids on track all day! Not to mention laundry, after school activities, and helping them with their homework!  I am looking forward to all of it, but am cherishing these last few weeks of sleeping in.  Each day, I thank God that I have the opportunity to work and do what I am passionate about, (not to metion working with a exceptional teaching partner) but will have half the day to be at home.  It truly is the best of both worlds.

sooner than later?

A family from AAI, our adoption agency, received word this morning that their appointment date is March 25.  They were submitted just last week on March 2!  That is amazing news, and I couldn't be happier for them.  However, my stomach is in knots. 

Our paperwork is going to be submitted on Monday (please pray all goes well), and if we follow their timeline, we will be in Ukraine by Easter.  Great news, but we all of a sudden feel so unprepared, almost as if we have been moving along in this process as if it was never really going to happen.  I have been so content following the blogs of all the other families adopting from Ukraine, and mentally preparing myself to travel in May or June.  Now, we may be back home by the end of May!

Oh...Billy just reminded me that we have two David Sedaris tickets for April 21st.  He'll be at the Detroit Opera House if anyone is interested....that is if we are not here.

I must remain realistic here.  There are a host of potential problems (this is international adoption after all!)  that could delay our trip further.  But, now we must be prepared sooner than anticipated!

registration!

Good news!  Our facilitator registered our paperwork today with the SDA.  The next step is for our paperwork to be submitted, and our date for submission is March 16.  Yippee!!  After March 16, the SDA has 20 working days to enter our information, and give us a travel date.  From what I am reading on other blogs, families are traveling approximately one to two months after they receive their date.  That would put us traveling around May.  That works out perfectly....being that we are both teachers, and that is right before summer vacation.  Not to mention, we will both be home with the kids until September.  Bill will then return to work, and I may take some extra time at home. 

...or so we thought

Our caseworker contacted us today about Bill's medical form.  She said there was a "mark" on the paper, and the facilitator in Ukraine said our whole dossier could be rejected because of it.  SO....tomorrow I am going up to the doctor's to get a new form filled out.  I called today, and they said they would have it done by the end of the day, including notary.  We will then have it apostiled on Saturday, and to Larissa on Monday.  I looked at my copy of the form, and Dr. T wrote a 2 instead of a 1 for January when writing the date, and put a line through it.  That's the culprit!

The little bit of good news is that the facilitator is going to attempt to register us "as is" next week.  Surprisingly, she said SDA has been submitting a week after registration.  I have learned through this process to not get too excited about what "may" happen, although the smallest bit of hope always fills me with so much happiness.  

finished!

All documents are in the mail.  Larissa will get them on Monday, and hopefully they will arrive in Ukraine sometime next week.  Since the documents are mostly just updates,  I am assuming it will not take long for the translation.  

I will for sure be more on top of things when June rolls around in terms of updating!  However, I will keep my fingers crossed that updating will just be a distant memory. :)

it pays to call

After paying $90 to have my marriage certificates expedited to me, and still waiting for them a week later, I decided to call VitalChek.  Well, turns out they were never sent, and they could not tell me why.  So, I canceled the order and called Macomb County.  I feel so stupid, but I can get an original copy from them for $10, and each extra is $3. I had no idea!  So, I drove over there and had them in no time.  $90 vs. $16?  Wow.  Anyway, it was nice to see Paul.  He met me down in the clerk's office, and then we went upstairs walked through the courtroom, and he showed me his office.  It reminds me of Papa's office, kind of dull and gray.  They could both use a decorator. :)  

Yesterday I called the Michigan State Police to find out where my fingerprints are.  They should have been here by now, too.  Well, there was a problem when they were scanned...not scanned well.  Anyway, that caused a delay, and now we are set to go.   They should be arriving today or tomorrow as they were sent out on Wednesday.

On top of that, we were sent new documents to fill out, notarize and apostile!  By next week, the paperwork will be done, and hopefully we will be registered.

frustration

On Tuesday the 20th, we had great news.  Our facilitator took our dossier to the SDA to register it in their system!!  However, it was rejected because most of the paperwork would expire in JUNE.  So, we have had to update every single document.  We were at the police station that night until 9:00 being fingerprinted , and every morning and afternoon since then, I have been frantically rushing around having blood drawn, sitting at doctor's appointments, trying to find a CPA that would sign their name to the most peculiar letter,  picking up documents,  and having them notarized.  I am mentally exhausted.  If I was working full-time, I don't know how we could get it all done.  It would take weeks.  The good news is, that all documents are accounted for.  I am waiting for the state to send our clearance letter and marriage certificates.  

I am beginning to worry about our UCIS paperwork, so I am going to check to see how good those fingerprints are good for.  We had those taken last spring.  

So, now I see can see why this can be such a frustrating process. 

update

I know it is late for a work night.  However, with tomorrow (today!) being inauguration day, I thought I would try to come up with some ideas/lessons.  Nothing like waiting until the last minute!!  I think the kids will be excited about all the fuss.  Hopefully they replay Barack Obama's address in the afternoon because I'd like the kids to watch it. 

Please pray for Billy tomorrow.  He is meeting with the superintendent as part of our data team.  He is sleeping now, but he was nervous earlier.

We received word that the SDA would begin registering dossiers today, January 20.  I was very excited to hear this news.  What is even better is that our facilitator told us that ours will be among the first to be submitted because we have all of our paperwork updated.  Yeah!

However, I am remaining realistic.  We know that things can change at a moments notice.

In the meantime, we filed a complaint with the Macomb County Sheriff's Dept. today in regards to our ROCK TOPS debacle.  The officer told us that it looks as though it will be a criminal case. That is good because then we just become part of a class action lawsuit.  If it is does remain a civil case, however, we will not pursue it any further. We would end up having to hire a lawyer and paying more in legal fees that what we lost in the countertop.   Regardless of what happens, I doubt we will ever see any of our money.

Please pray that all goes well with our dossier.

update

Last night we had a "mandatory" meeting with our adoption agency.  To back track a little....we received a letter in January from the chairman stating that "A perfect storm has hit the adoption industry".  Basically it stated that international wait times have dramatically increased, there has been a significant drop in the number of people signing up for international adoption, and there has also been a significant drop in the number of birth mothers giving their children up for adoption. We knew before we left the house that the news we were going to hear was not going to be good.  It turns out that if current parents do not contribute a pre-determined amount of money, the adoption agency will have to close.  The amount they are asking for is not that great, so we have no problems sending them a check.  However, it is just one more obstacle.  Oh, and yesterday was the day our new granite countertops were to be installed.  Why weren't they? Because we orderd them from ROCK TOPS....yes, the same company that took peoples money and then closed their doors and fled town.  So, we are out that money, and still have the old countertops.

We chose to do some updates around the house, instead of going on our yearly February vacation to Mexico.  Lessons learned?  Always pay with a credit card and go on vacation.

video

Here is a video about the lives of the orphans of Ukraine.

Orphan Video